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Saturday, November 29, 2014

Why I'm SO Obsessed with #Influenster!!! A blog about www.influenster.com

Hey everyone! 

Today I just want to share with you all the excitement I have about #Influenster and all the coolness and realness they bring to the table!

Influenster, first and foremost is a liaison for companies and brands that want people to honestly test and review their products. They supply bloggers and Youtubers like myself with all sorts of goodies for FREE just so we can test, try, love, hate, and review the latest and greatest products! I personally have had some really awesome things that I will continue to use for years because of Influenster and the companies that they work with. 

Some of the awesome, FREE things I have received and LOVED from Influenster and the brands they work with:

- SinfulShine with Gel Tech Nailpolish
- Dr. Scholl's for Her High Heel Insoles
- A $25 coupon for SoleSociety... which is a sad addiction because they make AMAZING shoes!
- A full box of Crest 3D White Professional Whitening Strips

You guys, this website is one of the coolest things I have ever been a part of. I love trying out new products and I like to blog. Why not put both things together? The power of social media is so strong today and you can make a difference for a company just by joining Influenster.com and starting your dashboard!

PS- there's ALSO a new #InfluensterApp! Go find it! 

Here's where you can become an Influenster!


------> https://www.influenster.com/?view=signup <------

Have fun! Enjoy your products! And BLOG!

And that's all I have to say today <3

Monday, November 24, 2014

Newest VoxBox #ClearProof

Hey guys! So I received another VoxBox!!!


This time Influenster sent me the Mary Kay ClearProof Acne System FOR FREE! I was super excited because I have struggled with acne since I was in 6th grade. Now, let me explain my skin. My acne is not considered chronic. It is considered mild. But I still fall under the category of, "acne-prone skin". 

Acne makes people self-conscious  and even sometimes causes depression due to self-image. I have been a victim of both. So, you can understand why I was so stoked to try this product line out!

Here's what came in my VoxBox-

-ClearProof Clarifying Cleansing Gel
-ClearProof Blemish Control Toner
-ClearProof Acne Treatment Gel
-ClearProof Oil-free Moisturizer for Acne-prone Skin

So, four steps. The directions for the system suggested usage is: wash, tone, treat, moisturize. Easy enough. Just like any other regimen. So I set off to use the system!

The first thing I noticed was that the cleansing gel had NO color, which is amazing because colors and dyes irritate my skin. The second thing I noticed was that the cleanser seemed to have a slight scent to it. This worried me initially because my face is also sensitive to fragrance. I went ahead with my four step process anyway.

After washing my face, I patted my face dry and applied the toner with a clean cotton ball. The toner felt, smelled and acted just like any toner. It tightened my pores and exfoliated just like other toners you would buy.

Then I used the treatment gel. This looked more like a lotion than a gel. It was white and felt more like a moisturizer than gel. I used this to spot treat break-out prone areas. Immediately after using this I could feel my face tighten, though. It was uncomfortable and the areas that I treated turned slightly red.

I then used the moisturizer. It was very thin, and even though I have combination skin, it didn't feel like it moisturized enough. The result from this moisturizer seemed to make my skin produce MORE oil due to it not giving my skin the moisture it needed.

I used the full system for about one week and then decided that after seeing my skin become extremely dry and flaky and itchy, I needed to start using the system every other day instead of each day. This proved to help somewhat. I was using the cleanser daily, the toner daily, and the moisturizer. The treatment gel was only used when necessary.

After another week, I still was experiencing dryness after using the system every other day. So, I continued to use the cleanser each day, but I stopped using the rest of the system. I went back to my normal daily moisturizer and toner. I continued this way for the last two weeks.

I definitely like the treatment gel, except I literally only use it to spot treat pimples. This system is much too drying and irritating for my skin. I saw a change in the size of my pores as well as an even tone return to my skin, but the dryness this system has created is nearly unbearable. 



Tuesday, August 26, 2014

A little about Isaac and what's going on since his birth

So... the last few months of my pregnancy flew by...  Now I feel as though I didn't have enough time with my little one. 

*For those of you who haven't ready my previous posts, my son was placed for adoption with a very loving family, for whom I am very grateful.*

I hated being pregnant. Every second of it. I was the third trimester complainer too. I got huge. I developed tons of little stretch marks that now look like insect larva right around my belly button. I was more hormonal and nasty with my mood swings during the last three months than I had been the entire pregnancy... So hormonal that I almost threw a pint of ice cream at Ian in the middle of Target... I hated not knowing what I would look like after the baby was born, or how I would feel after he was born. And most of all, even though I had many supporters and loving words and basically anything I ever needed; I felt alone.

But, back to why I feel I didn't have enough time...

Let's begin with labor. My whole pregnancy went exactly as planned. I was very healthy and so was Isaac. I gained the exact amount of weight expected. I had no complications. The only thing I complained to my doctor about was the swelling in my hands and then the pain I had in my side, (which turned out to be little Isaac punching and kicking me! I was bruised from the inside out!). Isaac was a trooper and was until he was born. I, on the other hand was not. I woke up on August 11th, 2014... in labor. Right? Like... who does that? So I call my OB's office and OF COURSE my doctor isn't on call this weekend. So I get a different doctor... who literally told me that since this was my first pregnancy, I probably wasn't in labor, it was probably just false labor... To which I said, "yea", and hung up the phone. I had false labor two weeks before. I KNEW this was not false labor! Then POOF! ...Or more like SPLASH! my water broke. My mom's and sister's first reaction, "Should we call the doctor?" Devil Angie came out and through gritted teeth said... "NO. My water is broken. We will go straight to the hospital. They can call that doctor." At this point all I wanted to to was clean up and get this show on the road! I had a wonderful couple that was anxiously awaiting the arrival of this little man! And so was I! Well, on the way to the hospital the contractions jumped from 5  mins apart... two 2 mins apart... plus back labor. Horrible, horrible back labor. Then we got lost trying to find the hospital. Then we got lost in the parking structure. Then we couldn't find the entrance! However, I was pre-registered and got checked and into a LDR quickly. Mind you, this was all at 10am. (2 hours post knowing I was in labor). I will spare you the vivid labor details, but I will let you know that when you have a rotation in your spine an epidural doesn't go in easily. Laying down  on your side during a contraction make back labor worse. And "throne position" DID NOT help my labor progress. So, after 16 hours of labor and no progression even WITH 10 hours of pitosin, I spiked a fever which made Isaac's heart rate climb rapidly. And this is where my "normal" labor went fuzzy and crazy and completely wacky and out of my control. This is where I felt helpless and like I was doing a bad job. I started shaking. This sometimes means that labor is progressing... but it hadn't. Then they threw me on oxygen. Then I don't remember anything but terrible pain right in the middle of my back. I couldn't lay down or sit up. Then all of the sudden I'm hearing c-section. And there were more than my normal two nurses in the room... plus the anesthesiologists... and the resident doctor... and now the on- call doctor... the adoptive mom was now in the room and my sister was in the bathroom putting on scrubs. Was this really happening? My perfect pregnancy is now imperfect and its happening right before this perfect adoptive mother's eyes?

I didn't want to see the worry in her eyes. But I had to. There was no special birth where she got to see Isaac be born and cut his cord. My hospital plan went out the window. I was lucky that her and Jenny got to even come into the OR with me. I could feel everything during the procedure. All of the tugging. I could hear all of the beeping and the god awful Dixie Chicks CD the doctor had playing. But, then I heard him cry. And I knew he was ok. He was perfect. It was me who failed him. I couldn't do it. And to top it off... it all seemed to go so fast.

And so I withdrew. I only held him twice before he went home with his new mommy and daddy. I couldn't look at him and think that I did a good job like everyone was telling me. But he was perfect. And now I feel like I did the worst thing possible. Now I feel like he will hate me when he grows up. There is only one picture of me holding him. I hope and pray that he doesn't feel I didn't want him. I hope he always knows that I know this is what was best for him and that it was a loving decision.

I have bunches of pictures of him. All bundled up with cute little hats on and soft blankies surrounding him. All the things I couldn't have given him. I hope he knows that he has everything he needs.

I can only pray that one day he will understand why there is only that one picture. And why Tony and I placed him for adoption. I hope I do get to know him and he gets to know me and understand that I love him. But I also pray that he never resents me and that he never lashes out at his adoptive parents because of my decision. I hope he will always understand that he could never have what he will have and be able to do what he will do in the future if I wouldn't have placed him with an adoptive family. I just hope he knows that I love him, and that even though we didn't have much time together, deep down, he will always be my son.

Isaac- the son of Abraham who was long awaited (the name I chose for him)
Rhodes- meaning the road to roses (to represent his adoptive mother)
He will carry the adoptive parents' last name in a few short months (to represent his adoptive father)

Born: August 11, 2014 at 12:07am. 
6lbs, 13.2oz
21 inches long

Perfect.

And that's all I have to say today <3

Monday, June 23, 2014

So, I'm terrified...

Well, after writing my last post and getting everything out on the line for the people in my life, I had many, many friends reach out to me and I must thank each and every one of them.

Your kind words helped me feel better about my decision and made the weight on my shoulders more tolerable. It's comforting knowing that so many people love me and the baby enough to support such a tough decision and that is what I needed to know.

These people who helped me, and listened to me also gave me the strength to call the agency which will place my child. I have filled out nearly all of my paperwork, and have chosen to meet with two very lovely families. I'm excited to meet them! One family even has a daughter that they has also been adopted! However, as excited as I am and even with how much relief I feel, I was not prepared for the emotional mess that I have become. I have been very moody lately because I am stressed to the max. Its becoming very difficult to manage my emotions because the pregnancy hormones make me want to flip my switch at any time. I'm so grateful that Ian is so understanding. He has remained, along with my sister Jen, my rock. Always listening and understanding. I love them both with more than all of my heart.

Now onto the real topic. I'm terrified to give birth. Do I need a birth plan? How will I know I'm in labor? How long will it take? How will I know everything is ok before I get to the hospital? What if something goes wrong?

For those of you who know me, I live with my mother who does not drive. My sister, who also lives with us, does drive, however has a life of her own and may not be home. Will I have time to have Ian come get me? Do I call Jen? Do I need to call my social worker? Or will the hospital do it? What if I go into labor before I have found the family I feel is right for Sir Isaac Tater Tot?

More importantly, I'm worried about pushing him out of me... I'm so scared it keeps me up at night. I'm also worried about my life after the baby. When he has left my presence is with a family that I know, but then again, don't know. I am choosing an open adoption, but that doesn't mean that I will always have access to what is going on, and it is not my intention to bother the family with my worries and woes. I just hope that the trust I am putting in them is enough. I won't have everyday proof that they are doing the job that they promised they would do, you know?

Anyway, I think that I'm done ranting about my worries and I should get ready for work. Yes, I am still working nearly 40 hours a week in retail. No, I am not comfortable. Yes, my feet are swollen to the size of Texas... Ouch.

And that's all I have to say today <3

Thursday, May 29, 2014

The toughest decision I'll ever make. #someonetolovehiminmyplace

I have been putting many things off. But the biggest thing I have put off is calling the adoption agency I have been looking at. 

I'm 28 weeks pregnant, going on 29. I'm almost ready to give birth. Why is this such a hard thing for me to do? 

Maybe its the stress of having to take the time to do it. Maybe I'm being too emotional about the situation, but in the end, I know that my little man, that isn't even here yet, deserves the life that another family can give him. 

I'm not fit to be the mother I want to be some day. I don't have the support that a loving mother should have. I don't have a daddy for my little boy to look up to. How would I ever tell him that his daddy wanted nothing to do with him because it would, "hurt his career".

It breaks my heart every time I look at the website full of families that are waiting to have their dreams come true who have not been blessed with the ability to have a child of their own. And then I'm here, not married or ready to have a child, not trying to become pregnant, not liking being pregnant, and being unappreciative of the fact that I can have children. I hate the feeling of pregnancy. The wiggling and the hiccups. The weight gain. The heartburn. The way my body will look afterwards. And then there are some women out there that would give anything, and have given everything trying to be in my position. They would welcome the feeling and effects of pregnancy with open arms.

How can I do that? My faith has been tested so many times lately. I had to give up school, many things I like to do, and dreams I had so I could go through this. I know its a wakeup call. I get that. But, I don't want to deal with this. I'm selfish.

I want someone to do it for me so that one day, if my son finds me, I don't have to tell him why I gave him up. How my love could never have been enough for him and how I didn't deserve to keep him. How if he stayed with me, I could have never been able to afford to have him play soccer or hockey or football. How he could never have friends over because mommy couldn't afford to feed them all. How he would never have gotten birthday parties because mommy couldn't be there to throw them. 


...................................................................................................................................................................



People tell me that I'm doing such a wonderful thing. How I'm giving a gift to a family. How I'm giving a gift to Sir Tater Tot. 

It's not a gift. 

You don't give a gift because you feel you have to. You give a gift because you want to and give it without question. 


...................................................................................................................................................................



The worst part is the shaming some of my family is doing. Some do it because they feel I should be keeping the baby. Some because they have a sore spot in their hearts because I'm not pregnant with the baby of the man whom I was supposed to marry. Others, because they feel I mislead them and lied to them.

If they only knew half of the things that go through my head every day. All of the regret, fear, and pain. How I miss my dad more than anything because HIS emotional pain is too overwhelming for him. I mean, His first daughter made such a huge mistake that he can't bring himself to talk to her anymore. That seems legit, right?

I'm just trying to do the right thing. And it's a lot harder than anyone who hasn't gone through the same situation can imagine. But, I look at my Goddaughter, and how much my sister and brother-in-law love her and adore her. Sir Tater Tot deserves that. He may not have been brought into this world in a planned manner, but he will be raised with a plan and in a good home with lots of love and a set of parents that are ready and willing to give him the world he should have.

And that's all I have to say today <3

Saturday, May 24, 2014

Post Baby Body Plans #asstograss

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with my current boyfriend. (His name is Ian, by the way).  He's a personal trainer and I feel like after I am done with this little "bump" in my road, I want a health and lifestyle change.

My plans- 

As soon as I am able to: 
-begin workout regimen.
-Eat healthy for gains and losses. (Muscle gain, weight/fat loss)
-Start looking into cosplay modeling and body building.

6 months post baby: 
-This is the point at which I would really love to start getting into cosplay and see if I can win some competitions and find an agent.
-Start cosplay blog.
-Start cosplay fan page.
-Begin bikini model training.

Now, before we get to the next marker, I want to let you know what Bikini Modeling is. It is not slutty or trashy. It is the first level of the body building competitive industry. You are judged based on your muscle tone and proportion. And yes, you do have to be beautiful. But, I want to try it out and see if I can get anywhere and if I like it.

1-1.5 years:
-Compete in my first Bikini Competition. 
-Discover the hard truth about how my body looks and what I can improve on.
-Possibly enter another competition.
-Start training to become a fitness model.
-Consult with a body building coach in order to learn posing, positioning, and to discuss and plan a fitness routine.

3-3.5 years:
-Become a fitness model.


- Fitness modeling is the next stage in body building. It involves a modeling walk, posing, and then a fitness routine of some sort... Basically cheerleading, but in a MUCH smaller uniform! haha

For those of you that don't know me, I was a cheerleader for MANY years. It is my one true love and favorite pastime.

Go big or go home, right?

I have all of the contacts I will need to complete this new phase in my life. I'm just hoping that I like it and I will do well at it.

You may see me sharing MANY new blogs about fitness modeling and my favorite cosplay blogs :) :) :)

Stay tuned! T-12 weeks until Sir Isaac Tater Tot arrives and is with a very loving family! Then BOOM, new Angie <3

And that's all I have to say today <3

Sunday, February 23, 2014

I've always thought I knew what love was...

So, I can't remember if I've told you all, but I'm not getting married anymore. 

Please don't be sad or feel any type of feelings toward the situation, it is for the best for my ex-fiance and I. We were just too different for our own good.

However, that happened months ago and now I am dating someone new... Oh, and did I tell you I'm pregnant? Yeah, I can't put the two together either...

His name is Ethan*. I actually met him on the Tinder app, (after telling myself I would never use a dating app or website!) and it's almost like he's too good to be true!

Let's start from the beginning-

I was feeling lonely and ready to move on when I joined Tinder. I was pregnant. I was overwhelmed by a sense of self pity. I know. Ridiculous. You don't have to tell me twice! And it just seemed like every guy I was compatible with was only looking for things I don't want to say... ok, I'll say it. They all wanted sex. Clearly I'm not embarrassed by sex or anything, but I don't go to a dating app to find it. Especially when I'm pregnant. So what I was doing is just telling guys flat out- I'm three months pregnant. And most of them were scared away. Others were creepy and had fetishes. Then Ethan appeared....... He didn't want sex. He didn't care I was pregnant. He just wanted to get to know me...

That was really new and exciting! I haven't dated in almost four years! I was excited and then overcome with this fear... What if he is just really good at playing cool? I have major trust issues with men and how was I just going to let this guy in and not put up every single wall I could muster up?

Well, we went to coffee and his eyes gleamed every time he laughed and his smile got wider and brighter with every fumbly thing he said. I could tell he was just as nervous as me! That made me relax a LOT. We actually had our second date that night! It was so sweet. But I had no idea how to act and to be honest, he wasn't my type. He was very muscular, shorter (but taller than me), light haired, fair skinned............... Ok, I know I was being picky. But I'm a girl and its what we do. Every time he looked at me I could feel this warmth. I felt pretty. I really felt wonderful. All I did was smile. But stupid Angie with all of her walls kept being skeptical. Maybe it was all a front?

But I saw him again... and again... and again... until I was sure that all of the compliments (which I have no idea how to take) and all of the wonderful things he says were true. 

And now I'm at this line. You see, I categorize relationships with men in this ladder type form where there are lines you cross. Ethan never was in the friend zone, so we skipped that line. Then we went to the dating zone, and then the steady zone... and now I feel like I'm at this new zone. I always thought I knew what love was... but now I'm not sure.

I'm scared. And I'm worried that I'll be rejected. Every time I see him I feel like I can do anything. He challenges me and questions my decisions and my opinions.  Things I need, but I never told him I wanted. How does he get me when I haven't even told him about myself? We're so much alike yet so completely different. And I think that's what makes me want to make him happier than he makes me. He is genuine and cares about my feelings and what is going on in my life.

Don't get me wrong, he's got his ways of making me crazy, but I'm sure I do the same for him :)

I just want to know what this is that I'm feeling. He's made me feel a way that I've never felt before. That's sad considering I was engaged... but back to the happy! How do I know!?

Now all we need to do is figure out how we're going to tell his mom I'm pregnant... and it's not even his...! But that's for another blog!

Feel free to respond with your epic love quotes and opinions!  



And that's all I have to say today <3

*Name has been changed.

Tuesday, January 28, 2014

For all you ladies with sensitive skin!

Hey guys! I know it's been a REALLY long time since I've blogged, but hey, a girl gets busy sometimes!

So, Influenster and Gillette recently sent me the new Gillette Venus Sensitive Razor and let me tell you, I was skeptical... I usually have nothing but little red bumps and itching after shaving my legs. HOWEVER, this time, I didn't! I was so excited! It's really hard to go a day without itching and then moisturizing so intensely after shaving, but I didn't feel like I had to do that! My skin was smooth, touchable, and not irritated at all!


I think I may have found my new soulmate! Thanks Influenster and Gillette!!!


And that's all I have to say today <3