I lost my way...

It's been a long time since I've blogged, but it's necessary sometimes to find yourself and then come back once you've gotten grounded. Or in my case, once you've almost lost everything...

A while back, I wrote about my adoption story. I wrote my heart out about how I felt and how hard it was, yet how rewarding the adoption had been. I thought I hit rock bottom. Boy was I ever wrong.




Following the pregnancy, I had such deep depression that I almost lost my sisters' patience with me. I almost lost my faith. I almost lost my boyfriend, and honestly, my life. If it weren't for the constant support from my boyfriend and his family, I would have given up. Suicide was constantly on my mind and it wasn't until early 2018 that it finally receded into its dark, black hole from hell and has left me alone since. However, it gave me new confidence. It gave me a feeling of greed and made me think I needed more than I did. More love. More things... more everything. And while no one should put their personal needs aside, it became evident that I was putting aside the needs of others. I kept telling myself that I was a good friend, good auntie, good sister, girlfriend, etc. but really, I was super lost in myself. I wasn't finding myself. No. I was being a glutton. I was being so selfish that I felt nothing was good enough.

My boyfriend has been by my side for ages, it seems. We've been together nearly five years and I was always so thankful and grateful to have him. Everything lead back to how lucky I was to be with him. And then in early 2018, once I "found myself", I started to feel like I wasn't getting what I needed. I wanted a ring. I wanted an apartment. I wanted more, more, and still more. But he wasn't ready. And although he was constantly there by my side, I still imagined him not loving me. But all he was saying was that he needed more time to grow personally before he took those steps with me. And when I projected my feelings, usually with my best friend, it seemed like he was the worst. The absolute WORST. But he wasn't. I had just lost my way and misunderstood what he needed. And instead of asking him why he wasn't mentally there, or trying to communicate with him around what I felt... I just started distancing myself.

Well, it crashed down. Somewhere between Halloween and New Year's Eve. I didn't care anymore. I started drinking too much. Constantly focusing on me and how I felt instead of others. I was heading straight for a wall of shit. Just a huge, brick wall of terrible. And I dragged everyone I knew into that car with me and drove full force into that wall.

Let me back up for a minute and tell you about my best friend. The one who so lovingly cried with me endless times. Supported me through all the stress I created for myself and built me up while I was selfish. We have shared everything together for the last 5 years. We were pregnant together. Had our children just a few weeks apart. Watched our ridiculous reality TV together. Traveled. Laughed, loved, and lived- seriously. It was the strongest relationship, aside from the one with my sisters or my boyfriend that I've ever had. I've never had anyone support me wholeheartedly the way she did. Others have been skeptical of my paths, and they should have been. But not her. She never questioned me if I really believed in something. She was my rock and the person I went to with everything. She was the best listener besides God because she didn't ask questions, and when she did, they were out of love and support. This is truly the friend you want in your life.

And I lost her. I don't have a best friend anymore... She's gone.

Aside from my family and boyfriend... she's the only other person in this world that matters. I literally have a hole in my life now. Have you ever had the urge to run and tell someone something so juicy, or important, and then you have to remember that you can't because you ruined that chance? That's me every day. EVERY SINGLE DAY. I can't remember a day in the last couple of years where I didn't interact with her on some level. Whether it was a stupid meme on Facebook, a text, a stupid SnapChat picture with a ridiculous filter... whatever it was. She was a huge part of my life.

How could I possibly have done this? How could I let myself get so out of control? I ruin almost every relationship I have. I have to beg for forgiveness and for a second chance from my boyfriend, and beg for him to try to get through this with me. How am I crying to him that I lost my only best friend? Crying every day. Not eating because I just don't have the ability or urge to. Going through the motions without a part of my life- my best friend. I honestly don't know what's worse... Begging for my boyfriend to stay with me, or losing my best friend. But I can tell you that I will never, NEVER, run this course again.

People say you have to learn from your mistakes and grow from them. That's a damn understatement. You have to die emotionally to grow from your mistakes; to really have the full effect. You have to literally feel like you've hit that rocky bottom to understand how to climb out of the well you've dug.




So I'm digging guys. With a huge shovel. With my hands. With my heart. I'm trying to get out. I can see the shadow of depression creeping in and the only thing that's keeping it away is my boyfriend.

Maybe someday my best friend will come back into my life. But I hope she knows how sorry I am and how much I need her. I hope she knows I never intended to do this and that I wasn't in the right head space. I hope she understands I've snapped the fuck out of it and am real again. I hope she gives me another chance.

And that's all I have to say today...

Carefree VoxBox... uh... no. (NO MEN ALLOWED!)

So, I was totally stoked to be testing and reviewing women's sanitary items! I am a big advocate for women's menstrual products to be either tax free, or free in general. Nearly half of our world uses feminine hygiene products and the fact that we pay terrible amounts of money for them makes it an ungodly task every. single. month.

However, I was displeased to see panty liners in my VoxBox... I don't know about you, but my lady parts need to breath. That means cotton panties YEAR ROUND and NO extra linings to harbor bacteria and sweat. 

Now, some women will disagree, but discharge is natural and can easily be wiped away. I do not have a problem with discharge no matter what time of the month it is, and if I have a large amount of it, I still wouldn't wear a panty liner to take care of it. I would rather change my undies than keep buying panty liners. 

I honestly tried to wear these every day and it just feels like I am wearing extra thick underwear that ends up feeling damp and uncomfortable. The only time I would EVER wear a panty liner would be if I am expecting my period soon, or, if I have an extra heavy flow and NEED the extra protection.

Fresh IS fierce!.... just not with an extra layer in your undies. This VoxBox gets a BIG thumbs down :(

And that's all I have to say today <3

Why I'm SO Obsessed with #Influenster!!! A blog about www.influenster.com

Hey everyone! 

Today I just want to share with you all the excitement I have about #Influenster and all the coolness and realness they bring to the table!

Influenster, first and foremost is a liaison for companies and brands that want people to honestly test and review their products. They supply bloggers and Youtubers like myself with all sorts of goodies for FREE just so we can test, try, love, hate, and review the latest and greatest products! I personally have had some really awesome things that I will continue to use for years because of Influenster and the companies that they work with. 

Some of the awesome, FREE things I have received and LOVED from Influenster and the brands they work with:

- SinfulShine with Gel Tech Nailpolish
- Dr. Scholl's for Her High Heel Insoles
- A $25 coupon for SoleSociety... which is a sad addiction because they make AMAZING shoes!
- A full box of Crest 3D White Professional Whitening Strips

You guys, this website is one of the coolest things I have ever been a part of. I love trying out new products and I like to blog. Why not put both things together? The power of social media is so strong today and you can make a difference for a company just by joining Influenster.com and starting your dashboard!

PS- there's ALSO a new #InfluensterApp! Go find it! 

Here's where you can become an Influenster!


------> https://www.influenster.com/?view=signup <------

Have fun! Enjoy your products! And BLOG!

And that's all I have to say today <3

Newest VoxBox #ClearProof

Hey guys! So I received another VoxBox!!!


This time Influenster sent me the Mary Kay ClearProof Acne System FOR FREE! I was super excited because I have struggled with acne since I was in 6th grade. Now, let me explain my skin. My acne is not considered chronic. It is considered mild. But I still fall under the category of, "acne-prone skin". 

Acne makes people self-conscious  and even sometimes causes depression due to self-image. I have been a victim of both. So, you can understand why I was so stoked to try this product line out!

Here's what came in my VoxBox-

-ClearProof Clarifying Cleansing Gel
-ClearProof Blemish Control Toner
-ClearProof Acne Treatment Gel
-ClearProof Oil-free Moisturizer for Acne-prone Skin

So, four steps. The directions for the system suggested usage is: wash, tone, treat, moisturize. Easy enough. Just like any other regimen. So I set off to use the system!

The first thing I noticed was that the cleansing gel had NO color, which is amazing because colors and dyes irritate my skin. The second thing I noticed was that the cleanser seemed to have a slight scent to it. This worried me initially because my face is also sensitive to fragrance. I went ahead with my four step process anyway.

After washing my face, I patted my face dry and applied the toner with a clean cotton ball. The toner felt, smelled and acted just like any toner. It tightened my pores and exfoliated just like other toners you would buy.

Then I used the treatment gel. This looked more like a lotion than a gel. It was white and felt more like a moisturizer than gel. I used this to spot treat break-out prone areas. Immediately after using this I could feel my face tighten, though. It was uncomfortable and the areas that I treated turned slightly red.

I then used the moisturizer. It was very thin, and even though I have combination skin, it didn't feel like it moisturized enough. The result from this moisturizer seemed to make my skin produce MORE oil due to it not giving my skin the moisture it needed.

I used the full system for about one week and then decided that after seeing my skin become extremely dry and flaky and itchy, I needed to start using the system every other day instead of each day. This proved to help somewhat. I was using the cleanser daily, the toner daily, and the moisturizer. The treatment gel was only used when necessary.

After another week, I still was experiencing dryness after using the system every other day. So, I continued to use the cleanser each day, but I stopped using the rest of the system. I went back to my normal daily moisturizer and toner. I continued this way for the last two weeks.

I definitely like the treatment gel, except I literally only use it to spot treat pimples. This system is much too drying and irritating for my skin. I saw a change in the size of my pores as well as an even tone return to my skin, but the dryness this system has created is nearly unbearable. 

A little about Isaac and what's going on since his birth

So... the last few months of my pregnancy flew by...  Now I feel as though I didn't have enough time with my little one. 

*For those of you who haven't ready my previous posts, my son was placed for adoption with a very loving family, for whom I am very grateful.*

I hated being pregnant. Every second of it. I was the third trimester complainer too. I got huge. I developed tons of little stretch marks that now look like insect larva right around my belly button. I was more hormonal and nasty with my mood swings during the last three months than I had been the entire pregnancy... So hormonal that I almost threw a pint of ice cream at Ian in the middle of Target... I hated not knowing what I would look like after the baby was born, or how I would feel after he was born. And most of all, even though I had many supporters and loving words and basically anything I ever needed; I felt alone.

But, back to why I feel I didn't have enough time...

Let's begin with labor. My whole pregnancy went exactly as planned. I was very healthy and so was Isaac. I gained the exact amount of weight expected. I had no complications. The only thing I complained to my doctor about was the swelling in my hands and then the pain I had in my side, (which turned out to be little Isaac punching and kicking me! I was bruised from the inside out!). Isaac was a trooper and was until he was born. I, on the other hand was not. I woke up on August 11th, 2014... in labor. Right? Like... who does that? So I call my OB's office and OF COURSE my doctor isn't on call this weekend. So I get a different doctor... who literally told me that since this was my first pregnancy, I probably wasn't in labor, it was probably just false labor... To which I said, "yea", and hung up the phone. I had false labor two weeks before. I KNEW this was not false labor! Then POOF! ...Or more like SPLASH! my water broke. My mom's and sister's first reaction, "Should we call the doctor?" Devil Angie came out and through gritted teeth said... "NO. My water is broken. We will go straight to the hospital. They can call that doctor." At this point all I wanted to to was clean up and get this show on the road! I had a wonderful couple that was anxiously awaiting the arrival of this little man! And so was I! Well, on the way to the hospital the contractions jumped from 5  mins apart... two 2 mins apart... plus back labor. Horrible, horrible back labor. Then we got lost trying to find the hospital. Then we got lost in the parking structure. Then we couldn't find the entrance! However, I was pre-registered and got checked and into a LDR quickly. Mind you, this was all at 10am. (2 hours post knowing I was in labor). I will spare you the vivid labor details, but I will let you know that when you have a rotation in your spine an epidural doesn't go in easily. Laying down  on your side during a contraction make back labor worse. And "throne position" DID NOT help my labor progress. So, after 16 hours of labor and no progression even WITH 10 hours of pitosin, I spiked a fever which made Isaac's heart rate climb rapidly. And this is where my "normal" labor went fuzzy and crazy and completely wacky and out of my control. This is where I felt helpless and like I was doing a bad job. I started shaking. This sometimes means that labor is progressing... but it hadn't. Then they threw me on oxygen. Then I don't remember anything but terrible pain right in the middle of my back. I couldn't lay down or sit up. Then all of the sudden I'm hearing c-section. And there were more than my normal two nurses in the room... plus the anesthesiologists... and the resident doctor... and now the on- call doctor... the adoptive mom was now in the room and my sister was in the bathroom putting on scrubs. Was this really happening? My perfect pregnancy is now imperfect and its happening right before this perfect adoptive mother's eyes?

I didn't want to see the worry in her eyes. But I had to. There was no special birth where she got to see Isaac be born and cut his cord. My hospital plan went out the window. I was lucky that her and Jenny got to even come into the OR with me. I could feel everything during the procedure. All of the tugging. I could hear all of the beeping and the god awful Dixie Chicks CD the doctor had playing. But, then I heard him cry. And I knew he was ok. He was perfect. It was me who failed him. I couldn't do it. And to top it off... it all seemed to go so fast.

And so I withdrew. I only held him twice before he went home with his new mommy and daddy. I couldn't look at him and think that I did a good job like everyone was telling me. But he was perfect. And now I feel like I did the worst thing possible. Now I feel like he will hate me when he grows up. There is only one picture of me holding him. I hope and pray that he doesn't feel I didn't want him. I hope he always knows that I know this is what was best for him and that it was a loving decision.

I have bunches of pictures of him. All bundled up with cute little hats on and soft blankies surrounding him. All the things I couldn't have given him. I hope he knows that he has everything he needs.

I can only pray that one day he will understand why there is only that one picture. And why Tony and I placed him for adoption. I hope I do get to know him and he gets to know me and understand that I love him. But I also pray that he never resents me and that he never lashes out at his adoptive parents because of my decision. I hope he will always understand that he could never have what he will have and be able to do what he will do in the future if I wouldn't have placed him with an adoptive family. I just hope he knows that I love him, and that even though we didn't have much time together, deep down, he will always be my son.

Isaac- the son of Abraham who was long awaited (the name I chose for him)
Rhodes- meaning the road to roses (to represent his adoptive mother)
He will carry the adoptive parents' last name in a few short months (to represent his adoptive father)

Born: August 11, 2014 at 12:07am. 
6lbs, 13.2oz
21 inches long

Perfect.

And that's all I have to say today <3

So, I'm terrified...

Well, after writing my last post and getting everything out on the line for the people in my life, I had many, many friends reach out to me and I must thank each and every one of them.

Your kind words helped me feel better about my decision and made the weight on my shoulders more tolerable. It's comforting knowing that so many people love me and the baby enough to support such a tough decision and that is what I needed to know.

These people who helped me, and listened to me also gave me the strength to call the agency which will place my child. I have filled out nearly all of my paperwork, and have chosen to meet with two very lovely families. I'm excited to meet them! One family even has a daughter that they has also been adopted! However, as excited as I am and even with how much relief I feel, I was not prepared for the emotional mess that I have become. I have been very moody lately because I am stressed to the max. Its becoming very difficult to manage my emotions because the pregnancy hormones make me want to flip my switch at any time. I'm so grateful that Ian is so understanding. He has remained, along with my sister Jen, my rock. Always listening and understanding. I love them both with more than all of my heart.

Now onto the real topic. I'm terrified to give birth. Do I need a birth plan? How will I know I'm in labor? How long will it take? How will I know everything is ok before I get to the hospital? What if something goes wrong?

For those of you who know me, I live with my mother who does not drive. My sister, who also lives with us, does drive, however has a life of her own and may not be home. Will I have time to have Ian come get me? Do I call Jen? Do I need to call my social worker? Or will the hospital do it? What if I go into labor before I have found the family I feel is right for Sir Isaac Tater Tot?

More importantly, I'm worried about pushing him out of me... I'm so scared it keeps me up at night. I'm also worried about my life after the baby. When he has left my presence is with a family that I know, but then again, don't know. I am choosing an open adoption, but that doesn't mean that I will always have access to what is going on, and it is not my intention to bother the family with my worries and woes. I just hope that the trust I am putting in them is enough. I won't have everyday proof that they are doing the job that they promised they would do, you know?

Anyway, I think that I'm done ranting about my worries and I should get ready for work. Yes, I am still working nearly 40 hours a week in retail. No, I am not comfortable. Yes, my feet are swollen to the size of Texas... Ouch.

And that's all I have to say today <3

The toughest decision I'll ever make. #someonetolovehiminmyplace

I have been putting many things off. But the biggest thing I have put off is calling the adoption agency I have been looking at. 

I'm 28 weeks pregnant, going on 29. I'm almost ready to give birth. Why is this such a hard thing for me to do? 

Maybe its the stress of having to take the time to do it. Maybe I'm being too emotional about the situation, but in the end, I know that my little man, that isn't even here yet, deserves the life that another family can give him. 

I'm not fit to be the mother I want to be some day. I don't have the support that a loving mother should have. I don't have a daddy for my little boy to look up to. How would I ever tell him that his daddy wanted nothing to do with him because it would, "hurt his career".

It breaks my heart every time I look at the website full of families that are waiting to have their dreams come true who have not been blessed with the ability to have a child of their own. And then I'm here, not married or ready to have a child, not trying to become pregnant, not liking being pregnant, and being unappreciative of the fact that I can have children. I hate the feeling of pregnancy. The wiggling and the hiccups. The weight gain. The heartburn. The way my body will look afterwards. And then there are some women out there that would give anything, and have given everything trying to be in my position. They would welcome the feeling and effects of pregnancy with open arms.

How can I do that? My faith has been tested so many times lately. I had to give up school, many things I like to do, and dreams I had so I could go through this. I know its a wakeup call. I get that. But, I don't want to deal with this. I'm selfish.

I want someone to do it for me so that one day, if my son finds me, I don't have to tell him why I gave him up. How my love could never have been enough for him and how I didn't deserve to keep him. How if he stayed with me, I could have never been able to afford to have him play soccer or hockey or football. How he could never have friends over because mommy couldn't afford to feed them all. How he would never have gotten birthday parties because mommy couldn't be there to throw them. 


...................................................................................................................................................................



People tell me that I'm doing such a wonderful thing. How I'm giving a gift to a family. How I'm giving a gift to Sir Tater Tot. 

It's not a gift. 

You don't give a gift because you feel you have to. You give a gift because you want to and give it without question. 


...................................................................................................................................................................



The worst part is the shaming some of my family is doing. Some do it because they feel I should be keeping the baby. Some because they have a sore spot in their hearts because I'm not pregnant with the baby of the man whom I was supposed to marry. Others, because they feel I mislead them and lied to them.

If they only knew half of the things that go through my head every day. All of the regret, fear, and pain. How I miss my dad more than anything because HIS emotional pain is too overwhelming for him. I mean, His first daughter made such a huge mistake that he can't bring himself to talk to her anymore. That seems legit, right?

I'm just trying to do the right thing. And it's a lot harder than anyone who hasn't gone through the same situation can imagine. But, I look at my Goddaughter, and how much my sister and brother-in-law love her and adore her. Sir Tater Tot deserves that. He may not have been brought into this world in a planned manner, but he will be raised with a plan and in a good home with lots of love and a set of parents that are ready and willing to give him the world he should have.

And that's all I have to say today <3

Post Baby Body Plans #asstograss

So, I've been doing a lot of thinking and talking with my current boyfriend. (His name is Ian, by the way).  He's a personal trainer and I feel like after I am done with this little "bump" in my road, I want a health and lifestyle change.

My plans- 

As soon as I am able to: 
-begin workout regimen.
-Eat healthy for gains and losses. (Muscle gain, weight/fat loss)
-Start looking into cosplay modeling and body building.

6 months post baby: 
-This is the point at which I would really love to start getting into cosplay and see if I can win some competitions and find an agent.
-Start cosplay blog.
-Start cosplay fan page.
-Begin bikini model training.

Now, before we get to the next marker, I want to let you know what Bikini Modeling is. It is not slutty or trashy. It is the first level of the body building competitive industry. You are judged based on your muscle tone and proportion. And yes, you do have to be beautiful. But, I want to try it out and see if I can get anywhere and if I like it.

1-1.5 years:
-Compete in my first Bikini Competition. 
-Discover the hard truth about how my body looks and what I can improve on.
-Possibly enter another competition.
-Start training to become a fitness model.
-Consult with a body building coach in order to learn posing, positioning, and to discuss and plan a fitness routine.

3-3.5 years:
-Become a fitness model.


- Fitness modeling is the next stage in body building. It involves a modeling walk, posing, and then a fitness routine of some sort... Basically cheerleading, but in a MUCH smaller uniform! haha

For those of you that don't know me, I was a cheerleader for MANY years. It is my one true love and favorite pastime.

Go big or go home, right?

I have all of the contacts I will need to complete this new phase in my life. I'm just hoping that I like it and I will do well at it.

You may see me sharing MANY new blogs about fitness modeling and my favorite cosplay blogs :) :) :)

Stay tuned! T-12 weeks until Sir Isaac Tater Tot arrives and is with a very loving family! Then BOOM, new Angie <3

And that's all I have to say today <3

I've always thought I knew what love was...

So, I can't remember if I've told you all, but I'm not getting married anymore. 

Please don't be sad or feel any type of feelings toward the situation, it is for the best for my ex-fiance and I. We were just too different for our own good.

However, that happened months ago and now I am dating someone new... Oh, and did I tell you I'm pregnant? Yeah, I can't put the two together either...

His name is Ethan*. I actually met him on the Tinder app, (after telling myself I would never use a dating app or website!) and it's almost like he's too good to be true!

Let's start from the beginning-

I was feeling lonely and ready to move on when I joined Tinder. I was pregnant. I was overwhelmed by a sense of self pity. I know. Ridiculous. You don't have to tell me twice! And it just seemed like every guy I was compatible with was only looking for things I don't want to say... ok, I'll say it. They all wanted sex. Clearly I'm not embarrassed by sex or anything, but I don't go to a dating app to find it. Especially when I'm pregnant. So what I was doing is just telling guys flat out- I'm three months pregnant. And most of them were scared away. Others were creepy and had fetishes. Then Ethan appeared....... He didn't want sex. He didn't care I was pregnant. He just wanted to get to know me...

That was really new and exciting! I haven't dated in almost four years! I was excited and then overcome with this fear... What if he is just really good at playing cool? I have major trust issues with men and how was I just going to let this guy in and not put up every single wall I could muster up?

Well, we went to coffee and his eyes gleamed every time he laughed and his smile got wider and brighter with every fumbly thing he said. I could tell he was just as nervous as me! That made me relax a LOT. We actually had our second date that night! It was so sweet. But I had no idea how to act and to be honest, he wasn't my type. He was very muscular, shorter (but taller than me), light haired, fair skinned............... Ok, I know I was being picky. But I'm a girl and its what we do. Every time he looked at me I could feel this warmth. I felt pretty. I really felt wonderful. All I did was smile. But stupid Angie with all of her walls kept being skeptical. Maybe it was all a front?

But I saw him again... and again... and again... until I was sure that all of the compliments (which I have no idea how to take) and all of the wonderful things he says were true. 

And now I'm at this line. You see, I categorize relationships with men in this ladder type form where there are lines you cross. Ethan never was in the friend zone, so we skipped that line. Then we went to the dating zone, and then the steady zone... and now I feel like I'm at this new zone. I always thought I knew what love was... but now I'm not sure.

I'm scared. And I'm worried that I'll be rejected. Every time I see him I feel like I can do anything. He challenges me and questions my decisions and my opinions.  Things I need, but I never told him I wanted. How does he get me when I haven't even told him about myself? We're so much alike yet so completely different. And I think that's what makes me want to make him happier than he makes me. He is genuine and cares about my feelings and what is going on in my life.

Don't get me wrong, he's got his ways of making me crazy, but I'm sure I do the same for him :)

I just want to know what this is that I'm feeling. He's made me feel a way that I've never felt before. That's sad considering I was engaged... but back to the happy! How do I know!?

Now all we need to do is figure out how we're going to tell his mom I'm pregnant... and it's not even his...! But that's for another blog!

Feel free to respond with your epic love quotes and opinions!  



And that's all I have to say today <3

*Name has been changed.

For all you ladies with sensitive skin!

Hey guys! I know it's been a REALLY long time since I've blogged, but hey, a girl gets busy sometimes!

So, Influenster and Gillette recently sent me the new Gillette Venus Sensitive Razor and let me tell you, I was skeptical... I usually have nothing but little red bumps and itching after shaving my legs. HOWEVER, this time, I didn't! I was so excited! It's really hard to go a day without itching and then moisturizing so intensely after shaving, but I didn't feel like I had to do that! My skin was smooth, touchable, and not irritated at all!


I think I may have found my new soulmate! Thanks Influenster and Gillette!!!


And that's all I have to say today <3

Some weird happenings around WI lately... Or maybe just my neck of the woods?

So, I haven't posted in a long while. I've been quite busy!!!

First, my fiance and I had a little out and broke up to find our ways back to each other. That was a long couple of months. Then, I realized that my apartment is too small to do 30 DS in and I joined a gym. And now, I am blogging at Barns & Noble because I am supposed to be meeting a partner for a group project... and she's not here! Hopefully she will be soon.

While I wasn't blogging, I made some important life goals for myself.

1. Get married. Brandon loves me no matter how I am and where I am in my life. I AM good enough. Nothing will change that.
2. Lose the 35 lbs that I have gained since high school. Not that I don't like my body! I love the curves these extra lbs have given me, but I can tell that my body doesn't appreciate the extra weight. My frame isn't made to hold this much.
3. Raise my GPA to a 3.0. I took a leadership class this summer, and I ended up becoming more confused about my life than what I already was. However, I was able to network and know that I have so many mentors and people in my life that are willing to take the good with the bad. So, I have currently got a 2.9!! WHooop WHoop! So, my favorite professor Ed encouraged me to reset my goal to achieving a 3.5. That would entitle me to graduate with honors and I would be the second person EVER in my family to graduate from college with honors, and the first person in my family to graduate from college with TWO degrees. What a landmark. I feel that I need to set the bar high. Not only for myself, but also for my future children. I didn't really have any expectations except for the ones that my step-mother set for me. So achieving them will be the ultimate payoff.
4. Personally grow the WCTC DECA chapter by 15%. This is what I am goaled at currently. And, if everyone who signed up at our first meeting continues to be active with the club, I am positive that I am nearly half way there already! SO EXCITED!

If you have never set a goal and completed it, you may not know the feeling, but completing a goal, or exceeding it is the greatest feeling ever!

One day I will pay it forward. I can only hope that I will be able to prove to my professors, who have invested so much time into mentoring, and supporting not only me but my fellow peers, that I was worth it.

On a less academic note, I was promoted to a Sales Leader at a larger store! That was one of my dreams and is keeping me on track with my career goals :) Why am I telling you this, you may ask? Because it comes with perks, (like a raise), and downfalls. Said downfalls include, later nights, stressful quotas, and weird men hitting on you and asking you out... You like how I slid that one in there? I knew you would!

Yesterday, I opened the store and was greeting and selling to customers when a man, not an old man, but older than me, and straight up asked me on a date. OF COURSE it was a day when I didn't wear my engagement ring to work. 

Then, today, I'm walking through the mall and a guy goes, "Hey I like you're jeans", and I politely thank him. Then he goes, "How can I get in those?" Um... EXCUSE ME?! No.

And that's all I have to say today <3

There must be something in the water...

What is it lately? It seems like whatever I want goes up in flames? I want to hang out with someone, NOPE! You've gotta work, or you're sick. I want to finally be on top of my bills and not broke at the end of the month, NOPE! You're actually be negative at the EOM. I want to be happy, NOPE! Screw you Angie!

I am usually just a very positive person. EXTREMELY positive, to the point where people ask me how the heck I'm so positive. But, lately I just want to shoot anyone who's being positive in the face. I'm ready to give up on being happy and start making other people happy. I'd be one of those people who thrives on other people's happiness. 

It's so bothersome that I can't sleep. I don't want to eat. And all I want to do is scream at the top of my lungs that I hate everyone.

HOWEVER, I could have it worse. I know I could. But can I just for once be happy? Its not even really about the money, or the inability to hang out with friends. It is the sheer fact that it seems like everyone I know wants me to be upset. It seems like everyone just wants me to suffer and struggle.

Also, can I get a weekend off without asking for one? Like seriously? Or can someone I know at my job, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE(!!!!) stop being so selfish? I work my tail off too! I deserve to have my scheduled ROTATION off! Its company policy, thank you. 

And that's all I have to say today <3

PS- I know things will get better :) I just needed to vent.

Guys! I just got my Sunkissed VoxBox!

Can I please just let everyone know that I am totally and completely spoiled by Influenster? 

Look at these goodies!!! The products are as follows:

1 pair of Dr. Scholl's for Her High Heel Insoles: It says in the description of these little babies that they are proven to improve the way I feel in heels... Um. Yes!!! Thank the good Lord for finally allowing someone to make these! Can't wait to try them!

1 bottle of SinfulShine with Gel Tech technology in Alfresco: Super cute color and the shine is UNBELIEVABLE! I only did one nail... I can't wait to do a complete mani with this stuff!

1 tube of Olay Fresh Effects BB Cream Skin Perfecting Tinted Moisturizer with SPF 15 in Light/Medium: Hell yea! This is a thick tinted SPF BB Cream that really gives some good coverage! It has a slight scent though... so I'm leery about that. I never use anything on my face that has fragrance...

1 Set of Goody Ouchless Ribbon Elastics: I have wanted to try these for SO long! I have fine hair, but LOTS of it and so with some of the typical elastics my hair will get wrapped around the band and tear out... OUCH! I'm hoping these guys keep my hair from breaking and pulling too much!

For all of my new readers, I received all of these products from Influenster.com for testing purposes. I have received these products complimentary and will review them on behalf of Influenster.com. Go join Influenster and become an Influencer!!! Totally worth it!

On that note, I got a sweet little quote in my VoxBox that makes me feel like summer is really here even though it's been raining pretty hard here in WI--

"Palm trees, ocean air, sunkissed hair: the endless summer, take me there." - Unknown

Thanks again Influenster, Goody, SinfulShine, Olay, and Dr. Scholl's! 

And that's all I have to say today <3

I went MIA l for a while... Sorry about that!

First, I want to apologize because I have been SO busy that I haven't blogged in a LONG while. So I'm sorry! I sincerely feel bad, but I got sick, went to California for DECA Nationals, then came back and was still sick, then I had finals which ate up my life for about two weeks, and just recently I had a tooth pulled which seriously, is the pits. Aside from that, I obviously stopped my 30 Day Shred... I feel like a huge lump and am planning on starting it over as soon as my mouth is completely healed. 

Dentist said that my mouth will be ready to eat steak and chips in about two weeks. Thank god because this whole liquid and mushy food diet is NOT my kinda thing... I hate jello... I hate pudding... so that pretty much narrows it down to soup with nothing but veggies and noodles in it, noodles with sauce but no meat, ice cream (which I really don't mind :D), and mashed potatoes. What a gross texture combo. No lie, I am so glad that I have all of my teeth and can eat regular food just as soon as my mouth is healed. 

On a less rant-ish note, I have become a DECA officer :) I'm super happy about that! For those of you who do not know what DECA is, it is a collegiate business club that offers life skills, career networking opportunities, and career development skills. We as DECA members, have the opportunity to compete in business like scenarios that simulate what may happen in the workplace. This club is exhilarating and challenging which made me campaign for the opportunity as Vice President of Recruitment. SO EXCITED! I wish everyone who reads this could be part of our chapter!!!

Next little blurb, this last semester of school went awesome! Upped my GPA for the semester which was my goal. However, it only raised my overall GPA by .01... which doesn't make the tiniest bit of sense... Oh well, that just means that I need to work that much harder next semester! I registered for classes :) I had to be full-time for insurance reasons and so I ended up taking an Introduction to Website Design class... WHA?! Who does that? This chick! Plus, it will get me an extra certificate... Which can only help me right?

Anyway, the real reason I decided to blog today- 52 Week Challenge Update... Updated! (For those of you who read my blog and know I already have a post called 52 Week Challenge Update.)

I have over $110 now in savings! It feels so awesome! This truly is the easiest way to save money! For those of you who have NO idea what I'm talking about, please read my blog post titled: 52 Week Challenge ....Confusion.... (from February) and also my second post about the 52 Week Challenge titled: 52 Week Challenge Update! (from March). Now... If only someone could make losing weight as easy this money saving challenge is... *cough cough*

And the last thing I am totally obsessed with-
Ariel Yoga... Has anyone ever tried it? There is a place nearby that is now offering it! I would really LOVE to try it! If anyone has any tips on this awesome sounding yoga sport, please let me know! Leave me comments!!! I want to hear what you think!

And that's all I have to say today <3

Day 2 = Sucker punched in the face!

I totally whooped day 2's ass! Pardon for the bad choice in language, but seriously, it was much easier today!

For all of you Shredders out there, KEEP IT UP! We will get through this together! I feel much less shaky today than I did after yesterday's session and I know that has something to do with all of the water consumption I prepared myself with :) So I was sore, and I know I will be sore tomorrow, but really, it will all be worth it! 





How did I hear about 30 Day Shred? Well, one of my older sisters was preparing for a cruise and decided to do the 30 Day Shred, however, this sister hasn't worked out since... well since a long time and so she was so sore she couldn't function. It scared me! I hadn't really "worked out" in about 7 months! But, then I saw another friend doing it, and I did more research and found that I CAN do it. It IS possible! And like I urged in yesterday's post, HAVE A PARTNER! Make someone do it with you! You will keep each other on track, and it is always easier to feed off of each other's success and excitement!

So aside from being able to feel every muscle group in my thighs move when I walk, I am very pleased :) I haven't been this sore since my senior year's cheerleading camp... haha I guess that means I am working hard! I am going to make my older sister re-start Jillian's Hell on Earth workout. She can do it too! 

A little over-motivated... I THINK NOT! I am just feeling good and know that I can reach my goals! SO CAN YOU!

Now I am going to go get a skinny mocha from Starbucks... you know, because that's always a good thing when you're trying to get into shape... *rolls eyes* Can't deny that I'm a hormonal woman that needs her caffeine fix when she's PMS-ing! (I don't know how my man puts up with it!)


And that's all I have to say today <3

Not as sore as I expected... Not bad!

So, I am not quite as sore as I expected from yesterday... I don't know if that is a bad thing, or a good thing... Do you guys think I didn't work hard enough? I mean my legs felt like jello... my arms were wobbly the whole night. 


*sigh* I don't know! What have you all experienced during your 30 Day Shreds? Any new Shredders out there?

Let me know your thoughts!

And that's all I have to say today <3

My Thighs are the SAME size!!!

Haha so I decided to do the 30 Day Shred... or as I like to refer to is as Jillian's Hell on Earth Workout! YAY! .... I feel dead. Really dead. Like my arms are still shaking after 20 minutes of being done. But, I have a partner in crime! My little sister is doing the Shred with me too! It is much easier to Shred when you have someone motivating you! And besides, I have found my wedding dress and I don't want flabby arms on my wedding day!

So, Jillian is really motivating, and I only had to stop a couple of times during the cardio because my heart couldn't handle it. I know that sounds weak, but I have a very small heart for an adult, and I do have a heart condition. So, please don't think that I just really am a loser, I'm trying my hardest.

Here are my Day 1 Measurements:

Right Thigh: 24 in.
Left Thigh:   24 in. (haha I totally thought my thighs would be different!)
Hips:           41 in.
Butt:           43 in.
Waist:         31 in. (really sad about this. I used to have a 26 in. waist.)
Right arm:   14 in.
Left arm:     13.5 in. (don't laugh at my arms they are gross!)
Bust:           36 in.

*I didn't weigh myself simply because that's not what my focus is. I want to be toned. If I happen to lose weight along the way, WONDERFUL!*

I will post results each week and feelings toward the workout until the end! I truly cannot wait to see what all happens! My sister was able to start a little bit before me and she says that days 1-3 are the hardest!

I tried to upload my pics... but they won't for some reason upload. They were nasty anyway!

And that's all I have to say today <3

30 Day Shred???

Hey fellow bloggers/followers,

A friend of mine is doing 30 Day Shred by Jillian... Anyone have any input on it? I am looking to start slimming down for my wedding next May (2014 not THIS May... I would die!). I just don't want to not be able to work because I'm so sore from my workout. 

As some of you may know, I work in retail and am on my feet for long periods of time and need to be able to move quickly from one customer to the next. If this is going to be like P90X and kill me, then I will not do it, however, the result photos that people have posted are quite promising! 

So, calling all couch potatoes turned fitness fanatics! Let me know what you think! Shout out a comment down below and help me get in shape!!!

Also, if I go with 30DS I will keep you all posted with week-by-week photos and posts about my excursion into skinny mode... or less flabby mode... whichever you feel is most accurate!


And that's all I have to say today <3

52 Week Challenge: Update!

Hey guys! So I thought I would update you on how my 52 Week Challenge is going! I am now at $28! So cool! So I do want to let anyone know, who is like me, that if you have a savings account that you are putting your money into, make sure you don't have any type of service fee. Each month I have to put an extra $4 into my account because I have a service fee... I totally didn't think of that before I started this, so, I am headed down to my bank later this week to see if there is a different type of savings account for me without a fee. I hope you are all on your way to a bunch of money saved! Let me know how its going with a comment below!

Also, I wanted to update everyone and tell you that Brandon and I have officially started planning and paying for our wedding! So exciting! I cannot tell you how it feels to be experiencing this rush every time we sign a contract for a vendor :) I am so happy to have found someone who loves me for who I am and can put up with my... well... crap. Haha, I will be writing a blog about my wedding dress outing in a few weeks! That should be fun! 

If you guys ever want me to write about something special, or add anything like pictures or videos about something, just let me know. I will be MORE than happy to write about what you guys are interested in! Just leave a comment and I will write about it!!! Fashion, food, school, weddings; you name it, I will write about it :D I love you all, and thank you for making my Klout Score rise each time you read!

And that's all I have to say today <3

I'm still tired...

So apparently I can't sleep past 9:00am... Even when I spend the night out having free UV Fishbowls until 1:00am... My head is pounding and my stomach is turning... let the hangover begin!

On a lighter note, I had one of the best nights I've had in a while! A bunch of my friends from work came out and we got free shots and I got my favorite beer from a bunch of 31+ year old men! WooHoo! haha at least the bouncers were hot and so was one of the old men... We may have had a "photo shoot"... It was awesome :) But, one shot, one beer, and a "grape" Fishbowl (that really turned out not to be Grape UV... it was Everclear Mixed Berry which basically told me I couldn't have more than one), I was pretty silly and went to go look at the snowstorm brewing outside... Yep, snowstorm + drinking = paranoia for driving. So I waited another two hours to drive... 

Anyway, I just thought I would tell you all about my awesome night :) 


Does anyone know any remedies for hangovers? Leave me a comment below with what works for you!!!

And that's all I have to say today <3